My daughter’s father is refusing my request!

(NNPA)—Dear Gwendolyn:

My daughter is 5 years old. Last week, I ran into her father and told him there was going to be a father/daughter dance. I have seen it on television and read about the event in newspapers. Different from similar dances, this is for little girls ages 4 to 12. I would so much like to see him take her to the dance. He has never too much acknowledged her. We never married. He said flatly I am not interested and said it in a rough tone.


Gwendolyn, I am now married to a wonderful man and I love him dearly. He has also been the only father my daughter has known. He treats her as his own. But, what bothers me is the fact so many people say, a child should know his/her father.—Rasheen

Dear Rasheen:

Yep, a lot of people say a lot of things and what they say don’t always make sense. You cannot make a man love you and you cannot make him love his child. Therefore, regardless of what people say, this is your life and you make sure you live it and enjoy it and enjoy the man who has crossed your path. Instead of trying to get her biological father to take her to the dance, allow that pleasure to be your husband’s. I am reminded of a song by The Winstons (a hit record released in 1969)—“Color Him Father,” which is a sentimental song in which a schoolboy expresses his love for his stepfather, a hardworking and generous man who married the widowed mother of seven children and embraced them as his own after her first husband was “killed in the war.”

Many stepfathers are fathers and many biological fathers are (well, I won’t even say). So, stop chasing your daughter’s biological father, but to your husband let her grow up to color him father and—color him love.

(Got a problem? Write to Gwendolyn Baines at: P.O. Box 10066, Raleigh, N.C. 27605-0066 (to receive a reply send a self-addressed stamped envelope) or email her at:

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