Listen my children and you shall hear of a tale of daring from both far and near. A long time ago in a land far, far away there was a man who ruled the kingdom of “Blackandgoldia.” King Artus of Rooney was a very wise and kind ruler who ruled his subjects with a firm but very gentle hand. However, time after time his small kingdom faced attack after attack from rogue kingdom seekers and bands of soldiers from all points His knights were fearless and loyal to the king but untrained and he knew in his heart that they would never hold up the chalice of victory. He decided that once and for all he was going to establish borders that no man would dare cross.
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He instructed his knights to search far and wide, high and low, day and night to find a warrior/teacher that could instruct his knights in the art of combat and lead them into war. Day after day the King’s scouts looked for and sought after the perfect warrior/teacher without success. The King was getting along in years and he knew that the end his time on earth was growing nigh.
One one rainy dismal day as the scouts returned, the trumpets sounded the song of success from afar and the people assembled. After all of the ruffles and flourishes were completed into the court of King Artus walked a young and brazen knight Sir Charles from the land of Noll with his head held high and a gaze of steel. He approached the throne of King Artus with arrogance, confidence and fearlessness. All in the court gasped with horror when the young knight did not bow or get on his knees when he stood before the King. King Artus was puzzled by this disrespectful and unprecedented behavior. He asked the young knight, “Why do you not bow and get on your knees before the throne?” “Your Highness” replied the young knight, “if you require that I bow and get on my knees to honor you I will do so willingly and immediately but it will be difficult to serve you and teach your knights the art of war and lead them into battle from my knees. However, I feel in my heart that bowing and trembling before you can never honor you as victory will.” “Ha ha ha,” laughed the King as he sized up this young, brash warrior. “I can have your head in an instant to satisfy the hunger of my dogs but you are right, you can only truly honor me when you honor this kingdom which is constantly being besieged by attackers and usurpers. Can you bring the Steelers Nation peace and victory and what do you need from me in order to accomplish these things?” The young general replied, “The first element that is needed for us to be the conqueror is to possess a strong defense.
“Way far away in the land of Texarkana there is a young warrior by the name of mean Joseph of Greene who will be a great defender of the throne and will be the linchpin of our future victories.” The King replied, “I do not need or wish to know any of the details, you have the power to draft into the Army any of the soldiers that you need for us to be successful.” So off went the young leader and over the years he engaged the services of the most feared warriors that the world had ever seen.
The knights of the black and gold table had names like Sir Terry of Bradshaw, Sir Lynn of Swann, Sir John of Stallworth, Sir Jack of Ham, Sir L.C. of Greewood, Sir Dwight of White and Sir Michael of Webster. Sir Charles of Noll finished his service to the King after planting the flag of the “Blackandgoldius” on the summit of “Mt. Super Bowlius.” After those resounding victories, the old grizzled general submitted his resignation to Rooney Royal Family. A new young general was appointed to lead and his name was Sir Bill of Cowher. General Cowher paid for the services of mercenaries with names like Sir Rod of Woodson, Sir Greg of Lloyd, Sir Joey of Porter, Sir Jerome of Bettis, Sir Kordell of Stewart, Sir Kevin of Greene, Sir Dermotti of Dawson, Sir Yancy of Thigpen and Sir Bam of Morris. After losing one “Mt. Super Bowlius” battle Sir Bill claimed victory in his second battle in bitterly cold land of Detroit. Time waits for no man and Sir Bill of Cowher fulfilled his obligation to the Rooney Royal Family and he too left the kingdom. The current commanding general is named Sir Michael, Lord of Tomlin. He has molded his army with old, experienced fighters from the age of Cowher with names like Sir Ben of Roethlisberger, Sir Hines of Ward, Sir Casey of Hampton, Sir Aaron of Smith, and Sir Heath of Miller. All had great stories of strength and valor to tell the new fighters with names like Sir Michael of Wallace, Sir Ziggy of Hood, Sir Antonio of Brown and one Sir Santonio of Holmes now in exile. Sir Michael Lord of Tomlin also led his charges to “Mt. Super Bowlius” twice, planting the flag on the summit once. After being defeated in the mountains of Denver heading toward “Mt. Super Bowlius,” returning tired and beaten, he banished his second in command, Sir Bruce from the Kingdom of Arians to the domed city of Indianapolis. Tell me a bedtime story, tell me a bedtime story not about close defeats but no excuse victories.
(Aubrey Bruce can be reached at: abruce@newpittsburghcourier.com or 412-583-6741.)
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