Ask Alma…My unfaithful brother-in-law


Dear Alma, My BIL has been unfaithful to his wife for years. Everybody knows, and I’m sure she did, too but she never said anything to me about it. I told my BIL that if she ever asked me, I was gonna tell her everything I knew.

Well, she did, and I told her everything. When she confronted him, she told him I told her. That caught me off guard, especially when he called and asked me if I did. I told him no. Later, I guess he said something to my husband, and my husband confirmed that I did tell his wife.

I was so mad. I didn’t want to be in the middle of this mess. Now we don’t have the same type of relationship. They don’t come over, and we don’t do things we use to do. My husband said it’s because I snitched. I say he snitched. He shouldn’t have told his brother anything. He should have been committed to me and had my back. Right?—L.B, Philly

Well L.B., yes and no.  Yes, I think he has your back, and no, he didn’t have to lie for you. Tell the truth and shame the devil, when your SIL called to find out what was going on with her husband, you couldn’t wait to carry those tales, could you? How long had you been holding all that in?

I imagine you told her everything you knew (had heard) and everything you didn’t know (didn’t hear). Now you say you were caught off guard when your BIL called and asked if you had delivered that news hot off the presses.

You’ve got to be kidding me? I think we all can agree that adultery is wrong. But what goes on between a man and his wife is their business. You have to be careful when you nominate yourself to be the bearer of bad news. If you find joy navigating that position, you’re doing it for all the wrong reasons.  Step back and stop feeding this weed. Your husband didn’t take sides. He simply conveyed the truth.

Slip on your big-girl panties, own what you did and suffer the consequences. Make some apologies and admit you should have handled the situation differently. Start with your husband, and when you’re done, kiss him, sincerely, on the cheek.—Alma

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