by J. Pharoah Doss, For New Pittsburgh Courier
(This is a parody of events only George Schuyler would have attempted—or a fool.)
During a recent congressional hearing, Black Democratic Congressman Lincoln Abraham condemned Republican bureaucrats for their poor handling of the latest crisis manufactured by The President. Congressman Abraham also told reporters, “The President is a pompous, ignoramus, and his anti-immigrant, xenophobic, policies are deplorable.”
The President heard about Congressman Abraham’s remarks after a—Make America, America Again—rally, where audience members were given advanced reader copies of The President’s re-election manual titled —The Art of Unsportsmanlike Conduct, and The President tweeted: Congressman Lincoln Abraham is a disgrace. His entire district is a hell hole. Not exactly hell, but close. Hell is a godforsaken, demonic place, infested with poor souls, no good human being would want to be there. But good, decent people don’t want to live in Congressman Abraham’s district either.
Fact check: Congressman Abraham’s entire district is not a “hell hole.” 10 percent of the district is affluent and another 40 percent are middle class.
Across the country, newspaper headlines said:
President disrespects majority-Black congressional district
President calls majority-Black district a godforsaken demonic place
President says majority-Black districts are infested with poor souls
The hostess of Good Morning USA discussed “The President’s unprovoked attack on Congressman Abraham and majority-minority districts” with Professor of Marginalized Studies, Lionel Malik Lamont. Professor Lamont told the television audience, “This President is the most racist president—period. His latest remarks are so vicious and vile they even outrank the racist diatribes of segregationist George Wallace. By referencing—poor souls —The President has attacked black and brown people at the very core of their existence to dehumanize them. The term “poor soul” is alt-right code-switch for the N-word and other racial slurs that denigrate people of color. Imagine marginalized children growing up in majority-minority districts and these poor children turn on the TV and hear The President referring to them as poor souls.”
Professor Lamont started to cry.
After a hug from the hostess, Professor Lamont continued, “The leading factor of the social ills in Black and Brown communities is the right-wing indoctrination of despair spearheaded by The President.”
The one Democratic presidential candidate polling under 0.5 percent held a press conference and said, “The President has reduced the English language to a racist, ethnocentric, dialect for White nationalist only. In protest of the bastardization of America’s mother tongue I will speak in Spanish for the duration of my campaign.”
The chairperson of the Democratic Party’s majority-minority district fundraising committee said, “Lincoln Abraham is a model congressman of color. He has a model majority-minority district and Congressman Abraham is a role model for poor boys of color inside and outside of majority-minority districts. Hopefully, the President’s bigotry will encourage the disenfranchised in blue states the Russian’s helped The President turn red to exercise their right to vote, because the 2020 presidential election will be a national referendum on racism.”
A conservative talk radio host complained that the Democratic chairperson’s use of the term “poor boys of color” was more racist than the term “poor soul,” then questioned if the terms were racist at all.
The Democratic chairperson issued a statement: As chairperson of the majority-minority district fundraising committee I don’t have the power to be more racist than The President. And if the radio host can’t distinguish between “poor boys of color” which is an intersectional identity and “poor soul” which is a label of inferiority then the radio host is a White supremacist, and the radio station’s advertisers should be boycotted.
The President Tweeted: A national referendum on racism? I guess Democrats never heard Aesop’s fable about the crying wolf boy.
The Democratic chairperson tweeted back: Aesop was a liar and a racist. #2020 National Referendum on Racism.
The President Tweeted: Good luck with that.
(J. Pharoah Doss is a contributor to the New Pittsburgh Courier.)
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