Ask Damon: Is it ok for woman to give man money? Which is King – Cash or Credit?

by Damon Carr, For New Pittsburgh Courier

Is it ok for a woman to give a man money?

~ Facebook Question

Damon says:

Interesting question. Is it ok for a female to give a man money? Well, it depends. Husband and Wife are excluded. How hubby and wifey decide to divvy out money is their discretion. After all, as Husband Wife you’re ONE economic unit.

Let’s be real.  It’s a female’s nature to be nurturing, caring and giving. It’s the giving part we’re focused on here. I’ve observed women fail at trying to “build a man” so they opted to “buy a man”.

I’m reminded of a financial coaching session of a single mom who was struggling to make ends meet. I asked her if she was receiving child support. She responded yes and no. Puzzled? I asked her to explain. She said,  money is taken out of his paycheck for child support but he makes me give it all back to him. I was flabbergasted!

I have countless other stories of women giving money to men to the detriment of their own financial well being. A common one being a woman giving a man her tax refund to flip. I’m not talking about flipping a coin to see if it lands on heads or tails. I’m talking about flipping legal money into more money by way of illegal gains. The story always tends to end this way. He didn’t flip the money because he got tripped up.

I recall one female telling me that all of her financial demise was the result of her trusting her man, listening to her man, or helping her man. She cried as she shared the story about the car loan she co-signed for him and he didn’t make one payment.  Now she has a negative repossession trademark on her credit report. She told me how he got up early every morning to go to work for two weeks – but never received a paycheck because he was unemployed.

Understand that every gift is a sacrifice.  If you have it to give, without sacrificing your financial well-being, it’s your prerogative. Do understand the difference between enabling and helping before parting ways with your hard-earned cash to anyone including your man.

Which is King – Cash or Credit?

~ Jennifer

Damon Says:

I recall listening to a Pastor preaching from the pulpit years ago.  He stated, you can do all things through Christ…AND good credit.

Oh ye of little faith! I haven’t returned to that Church since!

How can credit be King when credit is nothing more than access to cash with a premium called fees and interest? The lending business at its core is in the business of selling money – CASH! You read that correctly. Lenders have an interest to make Cash called interest off of Credit they sell to borrowers.

Earlier today I was going back and forth with a young lady in my inbox about which is King – cash or credit. She thinks that credit is King.  Her credit score is in the low 800 range. The max FICO score you can get is 850. Her goal is to achieve an 850 credit score.

I asked, if credit is King, then having an 800 plus credit score will make one rich or wealthy – right?

She responded, Assets create wealth.

I said. I agree. Assets create wealth. Which one is an Asset – Cash or Credit? She said cash but a good credit score can get you a loan at a good interest rate.

Credit = Loan = Liability: Cash is King!!  Cash me outside!

Woman tells potential date that she doesn’t believe in sex before marriage because she’s saving herself for her husband. He responds. That’s fine. He believes when they go out on dates they should go Dutch because he is saving money for his wife. She’s irate. Is he wrong?

~ FB Question

Damon says:

I’ve been hearing a lot about Kevin Samuels lately. He’s a controversial YouTube sensation that is unabashed in telling women that they’re unworthy of the type of men they seek ~ High Value Men.

I didn’t fully understand his agenda nor the fanfare he received up until I read this question. It finally clicked!

In the past before the feminist, independent women movement became culturally accepted – men worked and the women were stay at home caretakers. Women used sex as leverage to manipulate men. Men used money as leverage to manipulate women.

Fast forward to modern day:  It’s harder for a man to manipulate a woman when she has her own bag (money). But a woman can still hold out.

Viewing things from that perspective, men have lost some leverage – their negotiating power to influence “independent” women to consistently do things or put up with things they don’t want to do or put up with.

We now have a popular culture of men led by Kevin Samuels bashing women with the agenda to put women back in their so-called rightful place – subservient to men.

This culture gives credence to men earning 6-figures or more as High Value Men because high earning men have the ability to be more selective. He can use his immense earning power/potential to influence and manipulate women. One problem with this logic is that less than 15% of American “households” earn more than $100,000 per year – let alone an individual male or female earning 6-figures.

So you have the non High Value Men (based on their definition) championing to garner High Value Men selective benefits and privileges.

Here’s the irony:  An independent woman will yield to a man who’s demonstrated an ability to lead – regardless of income!

To the question at hand? Is he wrong to suggest going Dutch? Is manipulation at play here? 

Interesting play on his part. Men with money and potential want to ensure a female isn’t just after his money, resources and connections. He never said they couldn’t go on a date. That was her conclusion. He said they can go Dutch.

We think it’s acceptable for a woman to try and weed out men who just wants sex versus men who wants to build a solid relationship without any hidden agenda.

How do men with money, resources, and connections weed out gold digging women versus women who want to build a solid relationship without a hidden agenda?

I’m not sure if his Dutch suggestion came from a petty place. However, I think it’s a clever move for men with money to weed out gold diggers.

(Damon Carr, Money Coach can be reached at 412-216-1013 or visit his website at www.damonmoneycoach.com)

 

Comments

From the Web