by Bill Neal, For New Pittsburgh Courier
:10—Of all the people you know or think you know that won’t have anything to say about the absurdity of Will Smith…
You had to know it wouldn’t be me. C’mon man… Are you kidding me?… And I’m just sayin’! I am giving you all my captions at once, although I must admit I am almost at a loss for words. Almost. But I have to say something. It’s just that the global superstar, the man that Ali said was “The Greatest” and who spent the better part of a year saying, “No” to Margot Robbie during the shooting of the movie “Focus” (so they say), and Lord knows saved us all from the aliens while dressed in black would let a silly joke about his wife bring that level of hard work and commitment, sacrifice and success come to a screeching halt just amazes me to no end. And I’m gonna stop right there because this is not an Entertainment Tonight column and I’m sure you’ve all had your fill at this point. But can I add just one more little thing? Will, were you sucker-slapping people when your wife Jada was playing Hollywood hook-up? I’m just sayin’!
:09—By the time you read this, Kansas will already be crowned men’s NCAA basketball champions. That being said, the road to the Final Four and eventual championship was not an easy run to be sure and most especially if you were anywhere near St. Peter’s and their take-no-prisoners giant killer assault. And I would say something to console you Kentucky Wildcats believers but I am sure most of you are still being pulled out of whatever body of water you jumped in. Anyway, it was a superior March Madness run full of excitement, nail-biters, upsets, you-gotta-believers and not-to-be-forgotten stellar cheerleaders saving the day!!!
:08—As you know, I proudly wore the green and white of Slippery Rock University…as a matter of fact you may not know this, but “the Rock” didn’t get slippery ‘til I got there, but… that’s another story. Anyway, the green and white notwithstanding, y’all know that I bleed blue and gold. Now I can’t tell ya what the problem is with players leaving the Pitt men’s basketball team in record numbers but I can tell you this: I had the pleasure of having Coach Jeff Capel on my sports talk show, “Soul Talk Champions Live” and he was as good a guy as you could ever hope to meet. Down to earth, friendly and open —I’ve seen him run a basketball clinic and multiple press conferences and he’s a good dude. But I nor anyone that I’ve talked to… who will remain nameless… can tell us what the problem is.?.?
:07—Damn you NCAA ‘Transfer Portal”… Damn you!!!
:06—Oh, back to St. Peter’s. Two things – #1 – They didn’t have a 125-year-old nun calling their offensive sets. #2 – All you ballers and coaches know if you put five sure-enough players from “Where Ever” University on an outdoor court with five sure-enough players from any Top 10 Division 1 school they will play lights out all night long and nobody backs down!
:05—This one’s for Coach, Dr., former UNLV player, Karen Hall. I know the women are playing and although the University of Connecticut comes to the dance with a long list of championship excellence, South Carolina Head Coach Dawn Staley has reversed the tide once again on her way to NCAA Division 1 dominance. I knew the Gamecocks would win…Staley was a great player in her day and now a great coach…and she’s fine! That’s right, I said it… I am single, you know… and you were thinking it.
:04—I don’t know what it is but your Steelers are up to something. Look for something big to happen. Like maybe Colin Kaepernick coming to town for a lookie-see as they used to say. What could it hurt to see if Colin still has what it takes, he’s still only 34 years old with not a lot of mileage on his wheels. You heard it here first.
:03—Your Pittsburgh Penguins are in third place, within spitting distance of second and could end up all the way in first place in the Metropolitan, one final run for Sid, Gino and the Tanger. That’s all I got and it’s more than most of you had… and you know I am right. Most of you wouldn’t know a hockey puck from a flying saucer.
:02—Here we go again. Enjoy your Pirates tearing the cover off the ball in the Grapefruit League. That’s because they’re hitting against pitchers from Gotham City. Big difference when “The Batman” comes to town (did you see what I did there… the Bat-man… Baseball… OK, cool).
:01—So much for LeBron being the greatest of all-time. Michael Jordan wouldn’t let his team become the bums of the NBA. Now shut up about it!!!
:00—GAME OVER.
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