The Carr Report: Drinks are on me! Food is on YOU!

by Damon Carr, For New Pittsburgh Courier

We’ve all heard the saying, you shouldn’t drink on an empty stomach. Maybe he should have asked if she’d eaten before he asked her out for drinks. But he didn’t. As the story goes: Guy asked a woman to meet up and have drinks around 8:00 P.M. She agrees. He was very specific about having drinks. They get to the restaurant, she asks for a menu and orders food.  He orders drinks only.

As the date comes to an end, the server brings out the bill and places it in front of him. He says to the server, excuse me, can you please separate the bill into two. I’ll pay for the drinks. Please invoice her for the food that she ordered. She was steaming mad. MAD-MAD. She looked at him and shouted, YOU asked ME out! I wasn’t expecting to pay. He replied in a firm matter of fact tone, I said DRINKS! I WILL NOT pay for FOOD!

Who’s wrong here? Did she act from a place of entitlement or misplaced expectations? Was he wrong for standing his ground?

I put this question “Who’s wrong here” before my Facebook Followers: Here’s what they had to say. I’ll also chime in:


The whole thing is petty. If you invite someone out, expect to pay unless other arrangements were mentioned.  I would have paid for my food and left. There would be no second date. This is why you never go out unless you have the money to cover situations like this.

~ Nanyale

Welp! if he didn’t want to pay for food he should have said that when she got the menu.  But that is petty as heck! I also think it’s rude to assume someone is going to pay for something without asking.

~ Damon W.

I’ve been there before. I did not pay for the food. I didn’t give it a second thought.  She didn’t have any money. I left!

~ Philip

He said drinks at 8 pm. That’s past dinnertime. Unless it’s presented as dinner at 8, it’s drinks. She was wrong for expecting him to pay for the food she ordered when he asked her out for drinks. She should have asked him instead of expecting him to pay. In the end, if I were him, I would pay but a second date probably wouldn’t be in the cards.

~ Candance

Well, he obviously wasn’t feeling her because if he was, he would’ve paid for the drinks AND food. Dating is getting more and more ridiculous. I’ll be DAMNED if I leave the house without money! This new generation does things differently. They’re dating BROKE. I don’t get it!  I will speak from experience. A man invited me out for drinks to a restaurant that served food. But I stuck to the script and only ordered drinks. As the night went on, he ordered food, told me I could order as well, and so I did. But I initially stuck to the script and only ordered drinks.

~ Michika

Michika,  I agree with you! I bet he was still trying to smash. The dating pool is trash! It’s definitely not how it used to be!

~ Katt

She should pay for her dinner

~ Verdell

He should have taken her somewhere that only sold drinks. He was being petty. She made the big mistake of assuming he’d pay for everything.

~ Ronna

Always have some money of your own! A decent man normally ask have you eaten? Or would  you Ike to get something to eat before drinks.? If not, you want it, pay for it, and keep it moving.

~ AJ

Sounds like she dogged a bullet!

~ Shante

He must’ve met her on a dating site and she showed up looking like somebody else. He got mad and said, NO!!

~ Teddy

He said drinks and meant it. Granted most men will still offer and pay for food on a “drink date”. However, they’re not entitled to do so. She should’ve never assumed anything and paid attention to the details.

~ Lee Lah

When she asked for the menu and he knew he had no intentions of paying for food, he should have said something right then. I think he’s WHACKED for not paying. Most places I’ve been to, The alcohol cost 3 times more than the food.

~ Robert

When I get asked out for drinks only, I always make sure I eat beforehand. If for some reason I don’t and I decide to order food, I would let him know that I’ll pay for my food since I didn’t have time to eat. If he offers to pay, fine. If not, I got it. This chick made an assumption that he would pay, which was wrong, but he also should’ve made that known when she decided to order food.

~ Danielle

If he asked her out for drinks, then she should eat first, early, and then go out for drinks. Or, cut the date early and thank him for the DATE and then go grab a fatburger.

~ Sharon J.

He’s very petty and cheap. I would assume that if someone is inviting me out, they are also picking up the tab. She needs to drop him ASAP and find someone who is not that rigid.

~ Sharon R.

Damon here: Nowadays it costs more to drink at a restaurant than it does to eat. He should have opted to take her out to eat. It’s cheaper to feed her!

My perspective is different because I’m constantly advising people to stick to their budget. My most often repeated expression in my everyday life is, it’s not in the budget.

Who knows, his money may have been tight, he’s in between pays, or something came up that stretched him financially. These are real things that happen in everyday life. He should be honest from the jump.

He asking her out should have gone like this: I’d like to take you out. I’m stretched financially right now. I can only pay for drinks. We can do something more extravagant on our next date. Are you ok with going out for drinks?

A woman likes a take charge type of man who initiates dates and other fun activities. A woman is attracted to and respects a man who knows how to manage his money. He’s not faking like he’s balling out of control. He’s demonstrating that he’s spending under control. Furthermore, It will allow her to be more honest and upfront when she can’t afford to do certain things.

(Damon Carr, Money Coach can be reached at 412-216-1013 or visit his website at





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