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Many people who’ve experienced grief may suggest that you “keep busy” to distract you from the devastation of losing your spouse/partner. Keeping busy can help, especially as you take care of details immediately after the death – and while family and friends are available to help you.
However, a day will come when you must face this life-changing event and begin to create a new life for yourself — hopefully one that’s healthy and meaningful.
As you grieve, please consider these ideas from the University of Pittsburgh’s WELL Study group and the National Institute on Aging:
Take care of your health
Grief can be hard on your mental and physical health. To minimize grief’s impact, exercise regularly, eat healthy food, and get plenty of sleep. Bad habits, such as smoking and drinking too much alcohol can put your health at risk, so avoid them. Consider going to grief counseling or seeing a therapist if you’re feeling hopeless or isolated by your grief.
Through its WELL Study, Pitt offers a Participant Resource Guide, which provides contact information for mental health sources, grief and bereavement support, activity resources, and more. Download a copy by logging on to pittwellstudy.com. At the top of the page, click first on “Resources” and then “Download full Participant Resource Guide.”
Eat right.
Some widowed people lose interest in cooking and eating. To get good nutrition, have lunch with friends. If you’re eating at home alone and it’s too quiet, turn on the radio or TV during meals.
For information about nutrition and/or making meals for one person, visit your local library or search online. For example, log on to YouTube and search for “meals for one person” videos.
Spend time with caring family and friends.
Let family and friends know when you want to talk about your spouse/partner. They may be grieving, too, and may welcome the chance to remember with you. When possible, accept their offers of help and company.
Spend time alone, too.
Don’t feel obligated to accept every invitation. It’s okay to spend time alone if it’s not isolating.
Visit with members of your religious community.
Many grieving people find comfort in their religion. Praying, talking with others of your faith, reading religious or spiritual texts, or singing/listening to meaningful music may also be helpful.
See your doctor.
Keep up with visits to your healthcare provider. If it’s been a while, schedule a physical. If you’re comfortable, tell your doctor about your spouse’s death. Inform the doctor about any pre-existing and/or new health conditions. Let your provider know if you’re having trouble taking care of your everyday activities, like getting dressed or fixing meals.
Be mindful of special events.
Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays can be difficult when you’re grieving, so prepare ahead of time. Decide which activities you’d like to attend and decline others. Be aware of what you can handle emotionally.
Some people choose to create a new tradition, such as setting a place at the table for their spouse/partner on Thanksgiving or asking their grandchildren to create a new Christmas ornament in their spouse/partner’s honor.
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