:10—But wait, before we get to that, I am going to have to update you on something and this is important stuff. When you get done reading this column, I need you to run…no, walk to your nearest movie theater and see “Sixu!!!” Which in translation means “Strength of Will”; further translation means, I am not ever going to die no matter how you try to kill me! Trust me fellas, you will love this movie. And ladies, you will love it too if you’re the blood-and-guts type because there is plenty…I mean plenty of it. All I can tell you is this—if you see an old dude riding along on his horse with his dog minding his own business…leave—him—alone!!! My last count he killed about 150 Nazi’s and was still killing when I left the theater. I had to give it 4 stars, but for one part…you’ll see…it would have gotten 5 stars.
:09—Look, the NHL is still playing and might go another six months, baseball is just getting poppin’ and of course all you can think about is getting the Steelers season started. In the meantime, here’s your NBA shakedown that “no other” notables care to cover in the west. We’ve got two good ones tipping off with the L.A. Lakers taking a 3-1 lead over the Golden State Warriors. And, the Denver Nuggets are sitting on a 2-2 lead over the Phoenix Suns as of Tuesday morning, May 9. But I told you a half dozen times, and I’ll tell you again, the Lakers are set to rule the wild, wild west. In the East it’s anybody’s series to win, Boston and Philadelphia are tied up at 2-2 and it’s becoming increasingly clear that Jimmy Butler will see to it that the Heat burn the New York Knicks yet one more time.
:08—I wanted to step out and separate this from the rest, but remember you heard it here first. Me…you…and the NBA want and will have a Lakers vs. Boston championship series again and that, my brother, is a check you can cash at any corner check cash place in the hood!
:07—BTW, and this is just me. You see how the multi-billion-dollar banks are droppin’ like raid squirted on roaches? I bet you don’t see the check cashing joints in the hood fold up. Mannnnn…talk about social unrest!
:06—It appears the end is closer than one might think for your Pittsburgh Pirates. Now granted, it’s still early and all things are still possible. But what seems to be clear is what I’ve always said—pitching wins games and once again that major detail is rearing its ugly head. And for those of you that think that’s not the case, here are the ten reasons you’re wrong—#10. Bob Gibson, #9. Greg Maddox, #8. Roger Clemens, #7. Juan Marichal, #6. Sandy Koufax, #5. Pedro Martinez, #4. Cy Young, #3. Randy Johnson, #2. Walter Johnson, #1 Satchel Page!!! Nuff Said!
:05—Some team in the National Hockey League is going to beat another team in the National Hockey league…that’s all I got.
:04—The 2023 winner of the Kentucky Derby is Mage…again, that’s all I got. And yet you wonder how I keep this job.
:03—BTW, you may or may not know they put a few horses to death due to injured knees and stuff. My questions are twofold. Number one, what did horses do before men got in the mix? And, number two, does the horse get a say so in the matter? I’m just sayin’!
:02—Please shout this out all over the world. This is a call for all former, Truly Yours Models and Sensation Models. The social event of the summer is coming up Saturday, July 1, and I need every former model to contact me…this is the last runway…a celebration for you. 412-628-4856.
:01—Hey Pittsburgh, roughly 160 days before the Pittsburgh Steelers report to training camp!
:00—GAME OVER.
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