SIMONE BILES
:10—With a week of perspective in our rearview mirrors, let’s talk some Olympics. First and foremost, the Paris Olympics were just about flawless, every venue utterly fantastic, the history of Paris fairly dripping from every event and the presentation of the French citizenry to the world magical. I have to say this was truly the finest Olympics I’ve ever watched and I’m going back to the ’68 Olympics in Mexico. Just brilliant. And kudos to the ever-present Mike Tirico who, as the main host, just seems comfortable describing gymnastics, rowing, ping pong, boxing, track and field, swimming and on and on with absolute ease and aplomb. Mike is simply the best there is right now and maybe of all-time, he’s just that damn good.
JORDAN CHILES
:09—Let’s talk about the athletes and I have to start with the undeniable, incredible Simone Biles, who, along with Jade Carey, Suni Lee, Jordan Chiles and Hezly Rivera, won the Women’s Team Gold Medal along with Gold Medals in the All-Around and the Vault and a Silver in the Floor Exercise. Simone’s status as the greatest gymnast in history is secure and the way she carries herself and comes across in interviews as a superior woman in every aspect is to be applauded. Class and intelligence all the way. And while we’re at it, Jade Carey added a Bronze Medal in the Vault while fighting off the flu, Suni Lee won a Bronze Medal in the Women’s Uneven Parallel Bars and Jordan Chiles won the Bronze Medal in the Women’s Floor Exercise. Yeah, I said it, Jordan won the Bronze despite all the baloney taking place in the scoring booth. First and last—the scorers initially made a mistake with her score to put her in fifth place instead of third place, so the onus on fixing that mistake falls on them, not the U.S. officials that had to make the appeal.
:08—Sticking with the women, who clearly led the way for the U.S. Olympic squad, our ladies of the hardwood once again brought home Gold for the eighth, that’s right kids, the eighth straight time. Our women are the pre-eminent sports team in the history of the Olympics, beating France in the final in a nail-biter, 67-66. Led by A’Ja Wilson’s 21 points, the women were able to overcome a cagey French team looking to pull off the upset. It seems like the three things you can count on in life are death, taxes and a USA Women’s Olympic Gold Medal in basketball.
:07—And to complete the cycle, our men won Gold against the French again in Men’s Basketball, 98-87, in a close, hotly contested game that came down to the wire and Steph Curry putting a dagger in the hearts of all the French supporters with four three pointers in two minutes to slam the door shut on Victor Wembanyama, all 7’4″ of him, and the home team. LeBron James was tourney MVP and well-deserved and Kevin Durant picked up his fourth Olympic Gold Medal in hoops, joining a select few athletes in winning four Gold Medals across four Olympics. USA! USA! USA!
:06—Katie Ledecky. Katie Ledecky. Katie Ledecky. Four more Olympic medals, 2 Gold, 1 Silver, 1 Bronze. In her signature events, the 800-meter Freestyle and the 1,500 meter Freestyle, she was Gold, outdistancing her opponents in the 1,500 by 10 seconds. You heard me. Ten seconds. Or about half the length of the pool. Katie says she’s coming back for the 2028 Olympics in Los Angeles and I can’t wait. And this time I will be in L.A. live to see as much of the action as humanly possible. Checkmark on Bucket List #312 coming up.
:05—As the old school cat that I am, I have to say, with the caveat that I am a red, white and blue homer who always, always roots for our athletes to win, I was happy to see Noah Lyles squeak out the 100 meter Gold Medal by a thousandth of a second and win the Bronze Medal in the 200 meters while sick with COVID, his actions before the 200 left me a little dry. If you’re sick and know you’re sick, why waste one precious second of energy by running around the other competitors? Maybe if he had conserved every ounce of his strength, he could have won the 200 also and really put his name in the record books. C’mon, man.
:04—Next up, the amazing, Greatest Of All Time, Sydney McLaughlin-Levrone, who not only won her second consecutive 400-meter hurdles Gold Medal, but set the world record for the fifth time in a crazy time of 50.37 seconds. The next day she ran the fastest-ever split in the 4×400 meter relay and put the USA so far in front it was mere formality for the last two legs for another Gold Medal, matching her two Gold Medals from the Tokyo Olympics in 2021. She is intelligent, vivacious, gorgeous and absolutely unbeatable. See ya in L.A., Sydney.
:03—A little shoutout to Ryan Crouser, the behemoth 6’7″, 320-pound shotput legend who won his fourth consecutive Gold Medal and is without doubt the greatest shot putter in history. And to Joe Kovac, who won the Silver Medal for the third straight Olympics and is generally regarded as the second-greatest shot putter ever.
:02—Last but certainly not least, Cuban wrestler Mijain Lopez became the first athlete in Olympic history to win five consecutive Gold Medals, his in Greco-Roman Wrestling at the age of 42. Standing 6’5″ and weighing in at 290 pounds of pure muscle, Mijain first won Gold in 2008 in Beijing, China, and never missed a beat. After his recent Gold Medal, Mijain placed his wrestling shoes on the center of the mat, signaling his retirement from the sport. A legend. And just a daydream thought; if Mijian had been born in, say, Penn Hills 26 years ago, wouldn’t he look good playing defensive tackle for your Pittsburgh Steelers? With his legendary, off-the-charts strength and his incredible agility and speed, is there any offensive lineman that could stop him? Seems unlikely.
:01—Exhibition football games are meaningless. Really? Are ya sure? Didn’t the Emperor, Chuck Noll, once say about the preseason games, and I misquote but you get the idea, “If they’re so meaningless why do we play them?” The Steelers offense has looked dreadful, the O-Line is a debacle with Dan Moore tied to left tackle again despite being mediocre at best, and can we hit a pass 40 yards down field for goodness sake? I’m just saying.
:00—Put a fork in the Pirates, they’re done.
GAME OVER.