You’ve probably seen the social media comments and videos of Black women telling each other to “sit this one out” regarding involvement in anything not related to Black people or the outcome of the election. I completely agree with this sentiment, but not for the reasons you may think.
While I understood the outrage surrounding the election, I was not surprised. However, now that we are here, it’s time to step back and focus on unlearning White supremacy. This is much more than the KKK attacking Black people; it’s an ideology that is embedded in our society through direct and indirect (subtle) biases built into our institutions. This starts as early as elementary school with policing our hairstyles and clothing, and it continues into adulthood in the workplace.
Unlearning the stronghold this has on us begins with decentering whiteness in our own lives. This can be achieved through self-reflection, reading, and learning about our culture. The process starts with making a personal inventory of the ways you notice yourself engaging in these behaviors. Since we are not a monolith, this will look different for everyone. Some common ways this comes up include internalized racism and adhering to White standards of beauty.
Black people do internalize White supremacy and direct it toward one another. I have mentioned this before, but it remains true: half the reason this is one of the worst places for Black women to live is because of US and how we treat each other. This comes across as “nice nasty” behavior, hoarding resources, resistance to change, scapegoating and a need for proximity to whiteness. At times this makes it easier to attack one another rather than confront the system.
Another way Black women exhibit this is through our standards of beauty. We are constantly shown positive images of White women in movies and on TV, while Black women are often portrayed as loud, strong, and having an attitude.
I understand that some may feel that they don’t participate in these behaviors and that those portrayals don’t affect them because Black women are DOPE. And truly, yes, Black women are DOPE. However, we’re also stressed and overworked. Our suicide rates have increased in recent years. Furthermore, stress is a silent killer, and heart disease is the number one killer of Black women. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but there comes a point where we need to get real with ourselves. Posting self-love content on social media does not mean you truly embody it. I am speaking from experience, as I have had to take steps to unlearn these behaviors. For a truly transformative change, we must go deeper.
The book “Rest Is Resistance” by Tricia Hershey was life-changing. It helped me see how White supremacy contributed to my equating productivity with self-worth. One quote that stands out to me is: “Along with stealing your imagination and time, grind culture has stolen the ability for pleasure, hobbies, leisure, and experimentation. We are caught up in a never-ending cycle of going and doing.” It’s wild to admit, but in 2021, I daydreamed for the first time in a while. I spent over 30 years fighting White supremacy, never stopping to imagine. Unfortunately, my revelation came after I almost lost my battle with endometriosis due to medical gaslighting. I had to wrestle with forgiving myself for not paying attention to my body. Black women, learn from my experience and take this time to unlearn White supremacy. Go deeper, cry, laugh, and just be.