It is Saturday morning Dec. 20, 10:30 a.m.; approximately 26 hours and some change before the Kansas City Chiefs are scheduled to bring their “war party” into the Heinz Field “foundry” to battle the Pittsburgh Steelers. Something keeps tugging away at my psyche.
I am wondering about the mental state of the Steelers. I keep asking myself this question. Are the Steelers ready for battle or battle weary? However my appetite has not been affected because I have eaten a hearty breakfast and to be quite honest, I am becoming slightly lethargic at this point. The tryptophan from the turkey sausage, along with the after effects of a bit too much Grand Marnier from the evening before along with the eggs, pancakes and believe it or not, the semi-strong cup of “Maxwell House” is tugging on my consciousness as I swiftly and unwillingly head toward “la-la land.” I make my way to the sofa and hypnotically gaze at former NFL players turned talking heads,
Levar Arrington and Terrell Davis seem to be talking but I don’t hear any audio, audio, audio, audio…I have been transported to a desert canyon. The air is dry and hot. I am part of a battalion of soldiers preparing for battle. With his blond locks flying in the desert breeze, “General Benton Rocklessforya” assures us that the right battle plan is in place.
“According to the main scout for the gold and black, there are smoke signals rising from the camp of Chief “Andy Readumnow,” head of the “lazy Susan” nation. Chief “Andy” no longer has the forces in place to defeat our infantry or to prevent us from getting messages to our cavalry. Little does “Chief Readumnow” realize is that we have “carrier” pigeons as part of our communications that deliver messages to us from behind the enemy lines.
I am mercifully awakened by my grandson Maureace. In light of my vanity and because I never changed it he never says “grandpa” but he continues to call me by name. “Aubay, can I change the channel to Sprout, Calliou, is coming on?” I rub my eyes, sit up and hand him the remote. I also realize that I have just had an epiphany in regards to the Steelers defeating the Chiefs. The Steelers cannot take their lead from the likes of the Indian Chief from the “Village People.” Pittsburgh cannot sing the anthem, “macho, macho man,” as they prepare to battle the “Tiger Nation.” The gold and black would be better served “flying like an eagle” in any upcoming battle. On this day, the ground game is going to have to be second fiddle to the aerial attack. Cannon balls and artillery will insure victory. An all-out ground attack by the “steel” infantry and cavalry could only mean certain doom and defeat for the warriors from the Steelers Nation.
A carrier pigeon has just delivered a message from one of the allies of the Steelers Nation that the “kicking Broncos” tribe and their Chief “handless horse” and the “kicking Broncos” have been ambushed and defeated by the “Tiger Nation” at the battle of “Louisville ridge.” General Micum Tomahawk and his scouts have intercepted smoke signals and have reported from “Pocono mountain ridge” that the “Tiger Nation” warriors are now advancing toward the “smokestack city” and at the final battle at “Heinz River” valley is inevitable. Even before the decisive battle is fought, if historians and prophets cannot be certain of anything else, we can be sure that the final battle for “pigskin” supremacy will only leave a blood soaked flag of surrender at “Pikes Point,” Merry Christmas.
(Aubrey Bruce can be reached at: abruce@newpittsburghcourier.com or 412-583-6741. Follow him on Twitter@ultrascribe.)
