You have permission to love again

by Dr. Portia Lockett

Losing someone through death, divorce, or the end of a long-term relationship can be emotionally challenging and draining.  Take it from me, you will survive and eventually thrive again!

It may take time to heal and be open to love again. However, grant yourself grace as you travel on this journey!

 Here are some steps to help you position yourself to be open to love once more:

1. Allow yourself to grieve: Grief is a natural response to loss, and it’s important to give yourself permission to grieve fully. This process can be different for everyone, and it’s essential not to rush it. Seek support from friends, family, spiritual leader, or a therapist if needed.

2. Self-reflection: Take time to reflect on the past relationship and what you’ve learned from it. Keep a journal of what you’ve learned from each relationship so that you don’t repeat the same pattern.  Consider what you want in a future partner and what qualities are essential to you. Only focus on what you want and NOT on what you don’t want. This self-awareness can help you make better choices in the future.

3. Self-care: Focus on self-care and personal growth. Engage in activities that bring you joy, whether it’s pursuing a hobby, reading professional development books, meditating, exercising, or traveling. Taking care of your spiritual, physical, and emotional well-being is crucial during this period. Fall in love with yourself first!

4. Seek professional help if necessary: If you’re struggling to cope with the loss and it’s affecting your ability to move forward, consider seeking therapy or counseling. A trained therapist or a grief recovery method specialist can provide guidance and support to help you process your emotions and develop coping strategies.

5. Build a support network: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can offer emotional support and companionship. Talking to others who have experienced similar losses can also be instrumental.

6. Set realistic expectations: Understand that opening up to love again takes time, and it’s normal to have doubts and fears. Be patient with yourself and don’t rush into a new relationship before you’re ready.

7. Learn from the past: Analyze what went wrong in your previous relationship but avoid blaming yourself or your ex-partner. Use these insights to grow and make better choices in the future.

8. Practice forgiveness: Forgiveness can be a powerful tool for healing. Forgiving your ex-partner and yourself can help release negative emotions and make room for new experiences.

9. Be open to new experiences: When you’re ready, try to socialize and meet new people, join clubs, attend events, take a solo trip, or use dating apps if you feel comfortable doing so. Remember that not every encounter has to lead to a new relationship.

10. Take it slow: When you do start dating again, take things at your own pace. There’s no rush to commit to a new relationship, and it’s important to ensure you’re emotionally ready before becoming deeply involved with someone new. Remember to breathe, relax, and let it flow.

Remember that healing and opening up to love again is a highly personal journey, and there is no set timeline for when it should happen. Trust your instincts, listen to your heart, and prioritize your well-being throughout the process. Watch for the flags that are either yellow, green or red. Eventually, when you’re emotionally prepared, you’ll be more open to the possibility of finding love once again.

Enjoy the journey and have fun!


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