by Dr. Portia Lockett
Every holiday season, I am reminded that this time of year holds both for me pain and purpose. While many are celebrating, others are quietly navigating memories, grief, and emotions that rise without warning. I know this personally. Following the tragedy that my son was murdered in December of 2020, my holidays were no longer the same. What use to be my favorite song; “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire”, the smell of homemade rolls in the oven, someone asking me to participate in a gift exchange have all been triggers. These moments pulling me back into moments of heartbreak I thought I had overcome.
Other triggers can be unexpected and overwhelming: the empty seat at the dinner table, hearing laughter and instantly remembering the sound of his voice when I would fall at the ice skating rink, or seeing a son give his mom a long intentional hug. These moments are real, human, and part of the story that I as a parent will carry forever.
Even though I lost my son, and how I deeply miss him, how I would do anything to rewind the tape of life and hold him just one more time. I’ve learned that even in the midst of deep grief, glimmers still find their way to me. Glimmers such as the sound of his daughter laughing with the same carefree joy he once had. A warm hug from someone who remembers him without me having to say a word. The sunrise that reminds me, I am still here, still growing, and still healing. Spending time with his brothers and playing the “Remember When Game” that brings back a sweet memory instead of a painful one. The smile of a young boy who carries some of his spirit. Quiet moments in prayer when I feel his presence and peace all over me. Acts of kindness big or small that remind me that love never stops flowing. The greatest glimmer for me is when the Azal Benne Lockett Foundation helps others heal, offers them hope and holds their hearts as they navigate through their loss by providing financial resources for the burial/funeral services,
These glimmers do not completely erase my grief. They help me breathe through it, honor it, and move forward with hope.
This season, I am giving myself permission to feel both the joy and the pain. I am embracing traditions that nourish me and gently setting aside the ones that no longer serve my healing. I am intentionally looking for glimmers on purpose, because even during this emotional season, I am reminded that hope is still present.
Tips That May Help You Navigate the Holidays through Grief and Hope
1. Honor your feelings without apology.
Give yourself room to feel what you feel joy, sadness, gratitude, loneliness, or all of them at once.
2. Create a moment of remembrance.
Light a candle, display a photo, or speak your loved one’s name. There is an African Proverb that states: As long as the blood runs through our veins and we continue to call our that person’s name, their spirit will remain alive.
3. Set boundaries that protect your spirit.
It is okay to attend less events, take breaks, or decline invitations that feel emotionally draining.
4. Plan a daily glimmer.
Play a comforting song, quiet prayer/meditation, journaling, or a peaceful walk, dance, anything that centers you.
5. Release the pressure to say “I’m OK”
Your holiday does not have to match anyone else’s expectations. It is truly Ok to not be OK.
6. Lean on your tribe/community.
Call a friend, reach out to someone you trust, or spend time with people who offer comfort or who can relate.
7. Extend grace to yourself and others.
So many people are navigating silent grief during this season.
If you need additional support, contact me:
Websites: drportialockett.com
AzalBenneLockettFoundation.org
Instagram: @drportia
Facebook: @portialockett
YouTube: Portia Lockett
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/portialockett